I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
