I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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