So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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