On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
