all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
