Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
