i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
