I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
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Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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