I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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