I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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