Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
