i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
