Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
