apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
