Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
