I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
