worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
