I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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