Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
