these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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