He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
