Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
