i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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