So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
