It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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