Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
