Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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