I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
