I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
