my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
