I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
