I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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