If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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