You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
