ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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