Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
