ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
