Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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