You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
