Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Are we still banned from the library?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
