i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
