Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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