Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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