I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
