i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize