i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
