Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
