Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i was born a porn star she said
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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