All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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