Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
