I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
