Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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