Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
