I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
