I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
