Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
