let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
