she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
