her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She bit a glass in half.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
