And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The dick lei will go down in squad history
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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