So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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