So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
