he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
