Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
