now i know why i became what i already was.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
