You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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