I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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