apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
