I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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