So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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