Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
honey bunches of taint.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
