Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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