I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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