i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
