it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
